A Lifetime Roundup

It’s the week of Comic-Con and I’ve got stuff to do. It sounds to me like it’s time for everyone to learn a few lessons about life, taught by the network who took that as their name. That’s right. It’s time for Lifetime Theater. An Amish Murder: Two great tastes that taste...

Lifetime Theater: Blue ...

The fuck did I just watch? No, seriously. The fuck did I just watch? Watch enough Lifetime and your garden variety insanity washes right over you like a soothing summer rain. It takes something truly bananas to even register. In some ways, this ill-advised project has turned me into...

Now Fear This: Angel He...

Mickey Rourke, fresh from escaping De Niro’s crotch. Nowadays, all it takes for a film to be controversial is for the leads to have an insufficient amount of penises. But back before the internet became an outlet for the collective ids of every man who has ever owned or thought...

Yakmala: Mother, May I ...

Hang on. Which one’s Danger? No one movie exemplifies the Lifetime brand in the popular imagination more than the 1996 thriller/melodrama/Tori Spelling vehicle Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? But like any great story, the facts have gotten muddled along the way. The most...